Dare to Dream by Izzy Judd

Author:Izzy Judd
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781473543447
Publisher: Transworld

Harry and I were totally amazed – we hadn’t expected to feel so overwhelmed with emotion. It was a moment we’ll never forget, and it was beautiful to share the magic together – the world stopped for a second. For us it felt as if this little life was home, at last.

10

An agonizing wait

COMING HOME FROM the clinic after the embryo transfer was wonderful; knowing I finally had life inside me. As soon as I was through the front door, I said to Harry, ‘I really want a bacon sandwich!’ After all the beetroot risottos, the healthy smoothies and long walks, suddenly all I felt like was a bacon sandwich and bed.

I’d been told not to do a pregnancy test for two weeks, and that wait – to see whether the embryo had successfully implanted, whether I was actually pregnant – was very challenging. I had an amazing sense of warmth all over, but also wondered how I would get through the coming fortnight. Two weeks of waiting, wondering whether the embryo would make itself at home and whether my body would keep hold of it, trying to stay positive and not leap ahead mentally. I didn’t know how I would manage, I just knew that I had to. Up until then, something had been happening nearly every day. The clinic were in touch constantly, I was having scans, assessments and injections. I’d been busy, proactive, on a mission, and suddenly there we were, left alone, with nothing to do but wait.

I’d been told the date I could do the pregnancy test – 10 December – and I just had to be patient until then. Everything had gone as well as it could have up to that point. The transferred embryo was grade B, which was good, the lining of my womb was nice and thick, and I was a good candidate statistically in terms of my age and general health. There was every reason to believe this would work.

I was so in tune with my body by this stage that every cramp, every twinge, every backache, every headache, resonated. Just to confuse things, as I was still taking the progesterone, everything I felt was indeed like a pregnancy symptom.

I needed to stay calm, and so I knew that this was the time to continue what I’d been doing – the mindfulness, the meditation, the walking and immersing myself in nature. I tapped into very gentle yoga – breathing and stretching, really. I listened to hypno-visualizations, which I found very relaxing. I would envisage the embryo implanting by creating an image in my mind – I would see the roots of a tree coming out of the lining of my womb, ready to embrace it, and I would tell it, ‘I’m going to hold you, you’re safe, I have you.’ That helped me by keeping my mind calm, and by giving me something to do that I believed was helpful.

Really though, for all the distractions I tried, I was just counting down the days.

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